i'm in the final half. how did that happen? the first 20 weeks went by slow and fast all at the same time. lots and lots of appointments, needles, ultrasounds, progesterone suppositories, vomitting, sleeping, not sleeping, dreaming crazy dreams, growing, not enough pooping (thanks to the constipation gods), worrying, worrying some more, runny noses, big belly, and then one final confirmation that, so far, everything looks great.
the day i turned 20 weeks pregnant was the day the dr confirmed to me with those 3 words - "everything looks great", that i'm just like every other fertile pregnant woman at 20 weeks. i'm not there yet. i'm feeling good, great actually. but i still can't let myself get too cocky. i still catch myself referring to "if" the baby comes in may instead of "when". those old battle scars are there, and the worry never goes away. i can't read stories about women losing babies anywhere from 20 weeks on. it upsets me too much and scares the hell out of me all at the same time. i can't look at stats anymore. numbers and odds are not something that interest me. they scare the fuck out of me. my husband wants to wrap me in bubble wrap for the next 19 weeks. he's afraid of me wiping out again. i want the bubble wrap to insulate me from anything bad happening.
i'm so grateful and thankful to be here... i can't even really put it into words. there are none that would come close to doing justice. i am also grateful to each and every one of you. you carried me through the hardest time of my life. you've done for me what my husband, family and friends could not. you've made a world of difference in my life and i truly hope someday that i can meet some of you face to face to express my gratitude in person.
my Christmas wish is that all of you, still deep in the trenches, achieve your goals, whatever they may be. i understand that you may not read this anymore, but i follow you... religiously and i'm hoping and wishing that 2011 brings you the family you so desire.
and with that, i'm signing off for 2010. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Congratulations on half-way!! That's huge!
ReplyDeleteFunny- when I posted about my continuing fears, people did not want to hear it, saying that even READING about my fears scared them.... but to me, reading about others' continuing fears is very comforting. So thanks for sharing.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year, too! :)
yaay for reaching the halfway point!! i hear you about the bubble wrap. i've been so scared since my fall that i walk sooo slowly now, and hold onto anything in sight to keep me from falling. i've heard many a muttered "move faster!" comments from behind me, but i just don't care :o) have a great holiday!!
ReplyDeleteLisa,
ReplyDeleteSo happy you have reached the halfway point! Good idea to steer clear of loss blogs, I would too. I am hopeful that the second half will be easier and uneventful.
I can't help but follow you and always appreciate your support, besides I want you there when I finally have a sticky bfp.
Have great holidays and much love!
xoxo
Congrats on everything looking great and being in the 2nd half. I was the same way with the worry! I was worried until the day my little guy was born. And now it is a different kind if worry...lol! Lots of positive vibes for a smooth 2nd half! Happy holidays!!! Happy new year!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, dear! I am thrilled to have you over the mark and can't wait to hear from you in the new year.
ReplyDeleteAch, you've made me teary.
ReplyDeleteThose battle scars will probably always be there, no matter what happens, and well beyond the point you welcome your healthy baby into the world (I'm putting all my money on that...any other outcome is unacceptable). You're a great support, Lisa. And you deserve this happiness. And I'll be following along for these remaining 19, and beyond, and sending you lots of mental bubble wrap.
Merry Christmas, Lisa. And a very happy 2011, the year that your baby will be born. I started reading your blog before you were pregnant, and now you are over the halfway mark. So wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your good wishes. I hope all the women in our community get to hold their babies in 2011. I'm so glad that you will.
Hugs to you.
Hey Lisa, you are doing amazing. 20 weeks is a huge milestone and anxiety at this point is totally normal. I am trying to steer clear of loss stories too-unless it's a blog I know already. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and feel heaps of reassuring movement.
ReplyDeletetake care :)
It's incredibly bizarre to be on the downhill slope, coasting towards motherhood. Just a few more weeks till viability! It sounds like you're doing a brilliant job of balancing (totally normal, given your journey!) anxiety and joy. I'm so happy you're here!
ReplyDelete20 weeks! I love it! I hope your holidays are great.
ReplyDeleteMerry belated you dear pregnant goddess!
ReplyDeleteI wish we could manage the worry. Having a blog gets you through this whole scary ride, but at the same time magnifies things you didn't even know you should worry about. I get it.
Happiest halfway point. I cannot wait to welcome the healthy, happy Wannabe into our lives.