four weeks old tomorrow

i have been trying to post something for weeks now.  my lack of blogging and catching up with all of you is primarily because of 2 things... the first and most obvious... this new little 10lb (yes, he's 10lbs now!!) pooping, eating, crying, snuggling machine that has taken over our lives!   the second is that mr. wannabe doesn't know that i blog about our lives and would be really mad at me if he found out i did.  he's a private guy that doesn't believe in blogging ... he doesn't like facebook or any other social networking type websites either so blogging about our lives would really piss him off.  we've been lucky as he was able to take 1 full month off after adam was born so we've been spending all of our time together as a new family of 3 which leaves little time for sneaking away to blog.  he's out playing hockey now and our little man is snoozing away, so i'm jumping at the opportunity to catch everyone up.

the short version is - being a mommy rocks my world.  it is the most wonderfully exciting and emotional journey i've been on in my life thus far.  i look at adam every day in complete and utter awe of his very existence.  he truly is the great love of my life.   mr. wannabe and i haven't known a love like this before and we both believe that we have about as much love for each other as a couple can have.   being parents has brought us closer together as well.  we are both so amazed with our son.

its not all rosey though... some days are hard.  here's some of the "dirty" side of it all:

• breastfeeding is hard.  we had a really tough time in the first few weeks (although thank GAWD i haven't had any of the issues that bunny has had.... bunny - my heart bleeds for you girl!).  my colostrum took a few days to come in and so adam was having a rough time latching properly in the hospital.  so i started pumping and that helped but it also made my nipples raw which then made every breastfeeding session feel like torture.   we're over that now and the latch is good and instant every time, but adam likes the teet.  he's definitely a boob man.  i am feeding him all the fucking time these days.  he must be going through a growth spurt right now because he's on the boob every 1.5 to 2 hours - for an hour each time (1/2 hr per boob).  its tough to do anything else like sleep, go to the washroom, shower...
• baby blues are real.  i didn't have a serious case of the blues but i cried a lot.  and when i say a lot, i mean a fuck load.  in the first two weeks, i cried every day and some days, i was really down all day long for no reason.  it was hard as hell ... but the sane side of me realized that it was purely hormonal and would pass.  thankfully, it did pass and pretty fast.  i was close to calling dr love to talk to him about it but i seem to be on the other side of it now.   its been almost two weeks since i've had any tears at all.
• i'm really fucking tired.  but i can function much better on less sleep than i thought i'd be able to.  for this, i am grateful.
• the little man shits and farts like no other human being i have ever been around.  nuff said.

i was reading adele's recent post today and it brought me back to my pregnancy at 19 weeks.   adele, if you're reading this, just know that notwithstanding how hard it was for you to get to this point, the odds are overwhelming stacked in your favour now my friend.  so try to enjoy your pregnancy with your baby boy!! because it is such a magical time.  believe me, i know just how hard this is to do... but i'm looking back at my pregnancy now with a weird nostalgia ... wondering if it'll be the only time i experience pregnancy and dare i say it, missing it some days. 

i think of all of you daily, those of you still trying to get and stay pregnant, those pregnant and sitting on pins and needles through T1, and those of you past T1 and still stacked with all the same worries that i carried through to the day of adam's birth.  i wish for uneventful, healthy, NORMAL pregnancies for all of you.  and i'm hoping that you hang in there ... PLEASE hang in there.   know that i'm thinking of you all the time and wishing that your dreams of becoming a mom come true.   here's evidence that mine did...

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